You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
