I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
