Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
