Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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