If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
