none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
