I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
