i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
as a side note pls kill me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
