btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
