Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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