I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
