pop tarts are not kleenex
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
