So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
