im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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