I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
