After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
