I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
