I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
