So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
