i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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