Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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