I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They took my balls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
