eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
