I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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