I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
