I can tuck mytits in my pants
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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