If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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