i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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