sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
