At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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