You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
