Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
