Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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