I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize