If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
