So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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