This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
