Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
