Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
