I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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