He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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