sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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