i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dear god my vagina.
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