someone threw a dead crab at me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
