I cockslap morals
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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