I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
