Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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