Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize