he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
