You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
