Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize