Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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