margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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