He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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