Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
