Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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