I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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