that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish there were birth control emojis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
