So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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