When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
