I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Actions speak louder than pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
