I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
