That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
