Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
