You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
