just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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