ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
