you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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