No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
