I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
