Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
