What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
