Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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