I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize