kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
